8 Reasons R Kelly Probably Didn’t Do It

1. He don't see nothing wrong, with a little bump and grind.

2. Backstreet Boys and Spice Girls music are heard on the tape. R Kelly only fucks to Jodeci.

3. R Kelly is still faithful to his first underage girlfriend.

4. R Kelly is an established and well respected filmmaker. See: Trapped in a Closet. He would never be a part of something this low quality.

5. R Kelly has chronic urinary tract infections causing burning sensations when he pees. The man on the tape has no trouble peeing in that girls mouth.

6. The “person” on that tape is clearly a computer generated hologram.

7. R Kelly is being framed by Boyz II Men.

8. The girl on the tape was too hot not to fuck.