By: FOD Wire
New York, NY- In the midst of a salmonella scare amongst the nation's tomato growers, the New York Post was finally able to run “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes” as its front page headline on Tuesday.
“It's a very exciting day for us here at the Post,” said editor Col Allan. “In all my years running this paper, I've hoped for a wide-spread health scare involving tomatoes. We've had the 'Attack of the Killer Tomatoes' headline in our back pocket for years, but we've never had an opportunity to run it ‘ until now. It's probably our best headline since 'Headless Body Found in Topless Bar.' “
Until Allan noticed the fortuitous connection between the recent tomato-related fatalities and the 1978 camp classic late Monday night, the Post had planned on running the unwieldy headline “Rampage of the Lethal Red Fruit” with the even less inspired byline “Tomatoes Are Murdering People!”
The New York Post is enjoying a banner year for headlines, beginning with the Mar 11th front page story on Eliot Spitzer's prostitution scandal, which ran under the headline “HO NO!” However, “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes” represents an unprecedented triumph for the paper.
“We considered 'Attack of the Killer Spinach' in September 2006 during the tainted spinach crisis, but we didn't want to blow our wad on a pun that missed by a mile,” said Allan. “I have literally been praying for tomatoes to cause deaths every day for the last two decades ‘ Sometimes God answers prayers.”
The Post's last produce-related headline occurred on August 15th , 1994 when mafia hitman Artie Piccolo was hired by Nutley, New Jersey auto mechanic Ralph Swaggert to perform a double murder for one dollar. After strangling Swaggert's wife and her lover, the Post's headline read: “Artie Chokes Two for a Dollar at Ralph's.”‘ ‘