By: FOD Wire
McComb, MS- “This is the most bad-ass day of my life,” said an emotional Jamie Lynn Spears yesterday, swaddling her newborn baby in a torn I Hate Mondays t-shirt. 17-year-old Spears gave birth to 7 lb. 11 oz. Maddie Briann in the power tool aisle of a McComb Wal-Mart Wednesday afternoon. The labor was supervised by Wal-Mart manager Newt Huckert and some other good folks.
“Jamie Lynn was a real trooper,” said Huckert. “We offered her some Tylenol to kill the pain, but all she wanted was Mountain Dew.”
The barefoot star of Nickelodeon's Zoey 101 announced her pregnancy through an article in OK! Magazine and is expected to receive a hefty payday for exclusive photos of the newborn.
Maddie Briann’s father, 19-year old pipe-layer Casey Aldridge, is currently engaged to marry Spears. The couple’s wedding date is currently pending the availability of the McComb Cracker Barrel.
“I'm gonna raise the shit out of this baby,” said Aldridge. “I'm happy it's a girl. T'were it a boy, I would have named it Bachman Turner, but Maddie Briann is fine by me.”
Britney Spears and her father, Jamie, flew from Los Angeles to their hometown of Kentwood, Louisiana to celebrate the birth. “I’m already thinking about the baby’s future,” said grandfather Jamie. “I bought her twenty lottery tickets. All she needs is one winner and she’s set for life. I’d say those are good odds.”
Currently recovering in Wal-Mart’s stockroom, Jamie Lynn is expected to return home Saturday, when her family will celebrate with a tailgate party and mac and cheese with cut up wieners.