By: Jake Szymanski
Hello FOD! I’ve just gotten back to the FOD offices after a few crazy weeks of traveling….and eating. First I was back home in Wisconsin for some cheese curds and to see my cousin’s new baby/video star making THIS . Then it was off to New York for a few slices of pizza and a super cool FOD shoot that we can’t exactly tell you about yet. Grabbed a bagel on the way to the airport where we flew off to the Bonnaroo Music festival in Tennessee. The best part about Bonnaroo was the foot long corn dogs. The worst part? Gyros covered in ranch dressing instead of Tzatziki sauce….that I ate anyway.
Returning to LA, faced with an expanding waistline and hours of footage to edit. I decided to “just do it”. And by “just do it” I mean “Get kidnapped by the FOD guys and taken to Vegas”. Henchy , Mckay and Owen got so excited about the idea of kidnapping someone that they told me we needed to drive to a film set to “see if we can shoot something for Funny or Die”. Next thing I know, I’m in the lobby of the Bellagio, with no toothbrush, no change of clothes and $4 in my wallet.
If you plan on turning $4 into -$400, like me, you need some food to fuel your night. Cut to: Steak dinner, baby. Finishing off a few Kobe Beef Steaks and rare Komodo Dragon Filets, Henchy ordered up some bald eagle egg-based desserts when Mckay looked at me and said, “Jake, maybe only 5 or 6 fruit tarts for you tonight.” Owen was less polite, “You need to lose some god-damned weight, man.”
So right then and there, after desert and before the Irish coffees (I like mine with melted butter instead of cream), Henchy, McKay, Owen and I decided on having a Weight Loss Contest. We all have to knock 10 pounds off the scale by August 1st, and if I fail, I have to donate $100 to the McCain campaign. (I’m an independent, but Barack is Obama-sistible to me ).
So here I am, back in the FOD offices, editing exclusive footage for you guys and bird-pecking at cold blocks of tofu for lunch. I”ll try and keep you updated on who wins the weigh loss contest (Henchy’s a shoe-in…he’s already a sun-burned Irish bodybuilder under those button ups).