Jesse Jackson: “I Want to Cut Obama’s Nuts Off in a Really Nice Way”

by H. Harold Epstein, Political Correspondent

On Fox News Tuesday, a hot microphone captured Reverend Jesse Jackson making critical remarks about Senator Barack Obama. During a Fox interview with Reed Tuckson of the United Health Group, Jackson said “Barack has been talking down to black people on this faith based… I want to cut his n-ts off.” This Thursday, Jackson explained to reporters that he bore no hostility toward Obama and decried the press for misinterpreting his statement. ‘

‘”Stop twisting my words, news media. I meant 'cut his nuts off' in the nicest way possible,” said Jackson. “OK, imagine you have a nut bush. Now imagine you can't get the nuts off the bush. You want to enjoy some delicious nuts, but you need help cutting them off your bush. That's all I want to do for Senator Obama, see? I want to gently, helpfully cut his nuts off so I can put them in my mouth. Do you people not understand metaphors?” ‘

Added Jackson: “For years, I've been a close friend to both Barack and his wife, Michelle. I would sincerely like to cut off Michelle's nuts, too.”

As the press conference wore on, Jackson confusingly reiterated his support of Obama: “I want to chop off Barack's dick and slap him in the face with it. Now, before you run that quote, let me explain the interpretive meaning behind it. ‘ As we all know, 'dick' is short for 'detective', and 'slap in the face' is synonymous with 'surprise'. So clearly, I'm talking about taking a Sherlock Holmes book he already owns, wrapping it up, and giving it to him as a surprise… Take a poetry class, people!”

Jackson's clarification cast further doubt over whether he truly supports the Illinois Senator's Presidential bid. “I want to get Medieval on Obama's ass. And no, I don't mean that in the Marcellus-Wallace-torture-a guy sense. I want to buy him a pet donkey and take it to Medieval Times, the restaurant. I hear it's a blast!”