FOD REVIEWS “THE DARK KNIGHT”
7:30pm ‘ Movie is about to start. So pumped! I’m so lucky to be seeing this. Not only do I get to see Batman early, but they gave me free popcorn and soda. Bonus!
7:32 ‘ Dude next to me looks like an a-hole ‘probably writes for Maxim.
7:33pm ‘ Aw shit! Movie is starting. Lights went down. Woooo!
7:45pm ‘ Off to an amazing start! Joker is SO bad-ass!
7:52pm ‘ This movie is even darker than the first. Heath Ledger will definitely get an Oscar nod. Man, I finished that soda quick.
8:02pm ‘ Have to piss ‘gonna try to hold it. Don’t want to miss anything.
8:11pm ‘ Man, I really have to piss now. Why did they give us a giant free soda!? Bad move Warner Bros. marketing!
8:17pm ‘ I can’t hold it any longer. Gotta run to the bathroom!
8:21pm ‘ SHIT! I definitely missed something cool! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!
8:27pm ‘ I can’t pay attention knowing I missed something before. I think I’m gonna ask the dude next to me.
8:29pm ‘ The dude next to me told me to go fuck myself! Fucking dick! I’m gonna knock his drink into his lap.
8:35pm ‘ I’M WRITING THIS FROM THE LOBBY! THEY KICKED ME OUT! CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE THIS?! THAT ASS-JAG FROM MAXIM FUCKING STARTED IT! THIS IS BULLSHIT! GREAT ‘ ‘NOW THERE’S A SECURITY GUY COM ‘
10:22pm ‘ Okay, I’m back home. I’ve calmed down a bit. I mean, big deal. The movie is out in a couple weeks anyway, right?
10:35pm ‘ I’M GOING TO KILL MYSELF! FUUUUUCK!!!!
11:33pm ‘ Put a rope around my neck. Pussed out at the last second. I’m worthless.
1:22am ‘ I’ms o dronk riaght now. Fuckl it, I’m goanna emil this to mybosss. Farrtsssss.
