John McCain Pledges to Rearrange World Map By 2010

by H. Harold Epstein, Political Correspondent

Following two geography-related gaffes, Senator John McCain has pledged to revamp the world map by 2010. On Monday’s Good Morning America , the Senator referred to “the situation on the Iraq/Pakistan border.” The two countries do not share a border. Last week, McCain made a similar mistake in reference to the Russian government “reducing the energy supplies to Czechoslovakia.” Czechoslovakia has not existed since 1993, when the nation split into the Czech Republic and Slovakia. Today, the Senator vowed to make these blunders technically correct by 2010.

“If Americans elect me in November, I promise to turn the geography in my mind into a reality,” said McCain to supporters. The Senator outlined a plan to annex a portion of Afghanistan to be renamed “Iraq Too,” so that it might border Pakistan. He also plans for the reinstitution of long-obsolete country names, including Czechoslovakia, Burma (now Myanmar), Persia (now Iran), and the U.S.S.R.

“We will ease tension in the Middle East by situating these countries where I thought they were,” said McCain. “Why can’t Israel be next to Yemen? That’s how I’ve always thought of it. Let’s make it happn, people.”

The Senator plans to make Project Map Reboot a main topic at upcoming rallies. “I’ll be delivering this message all across America- from the shores of Kansas, then north to Louisiana, then to the neighboring state of Oregon.”