McCain Attacks Obama For Using Indoor Plumbing

WASHINGTON DC. – Presumptive Republican nominee John McCain today mocked Barack Obama for his use of restrooms while on the campaign trail. Speaking before a group of four tourists who were trying to hail a cab, McCain chided Obama for ‘these pampered celebrity demands of running water and soap dispensers ‘. ‘In my day ‘, said McCain, ‘you went out back and shat in a hole and wiped your ass with the Sears catalogue or a corn cob or a frozen squirrel ‘.

McCain then appeared to mumble a joke about how ‘these dentures don ‘t let you nibble corn no more ‘ before wandering off across the street. Campaign lobbyist-aide Rick Davis vehemently defended McCain ‘s right to ‘lose focus ‘ and urged the American people to ‘join John McCain in finding our tomorrows where our yesterdays seemed to be ‘.