Denver Broncos Return Home to Limited Fanfare

Denver, CO – The Denver Broncos pulled into Mile High Stadium early Friday afternoon to very underwhelming fanfare. “Normally, there’s a sea of loyal Broncos fans here to welcome us,” said Jay Cutler, Broncos Quarterback. “I stepped off the bus today and all I saw was a few passed out hippies and a bunch of filthy placards.”

The Broncos returned home only one day after over 80,000 people gathered at Mile High Stadium to hear Barack Obama speak at what was arguably the most significant event to ever take place in Denver.

“I just don’t really care about football anymore,” Said Mike Schulz, a democrat and former Broncos fan who had lingered in the stadium for over 16 hours optimistically cheering for Sen. Obama to come out for an encore performance.

Broncos head coach Mike Shanahan suffered a head injury on his way to the locker room, after a pack of crazed democrats threw bottles at him, mistaking him for Republican Mitt Romney.

The Broncos locker room played host to Obama’s post-speech party, which reportedly went until the early morning hours. “What the F^$&”, said cornerback Champ Bailey upon seeing the destruction, “Where the F&*$ is all the vitamin water! Are you telling me I’ve gotta go out and buy a whole new case? I’m voting for McCain!”

To make matters worse, the Broncos missed their game Friday night, as it was scheduled to be played in Arizona and no one had cared to tell them otherwise.