SPEARS TO OPEN VMAs SUNDAY, MTV CROSSES FINGERS FOR TRAIN-WRECK

Despite a train-wreck performance at last year ‘s MTV Video Music Awards, MTV has some how convinced fallen pop star Britney Spears to open the awards show again. Spears said she is excited to be nominated and support her friends as ‘MTV has long played an important role in her career. ‘

Secretly, executives are crossing their fingers for a meltdown. ‘I ‘m not going to say we ‘d distract her by putting Kevin Federline backstage, ‘ insisted Rob Green, VP of the Teen Scream Department. ‘But Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel have front row seats. That should stir something up, right? ‘

‘Even if it ‘s half as effed up as last year, that would be amazing, ‘ said VP of Programming Amy Isenhouse. ‘When she came in for the meeting there were Cheetos stuck in her hair so we are hopeful! ‘

Not everyone agrees with the decision to let Britney open the show. Chris Crocker, a gender bending die-hard fan of the pop star, is begging people to leave Britney alone. MTV isn ‘t worried about the backlash from fans like this. Network President Van Toffler dismissed the comments, ‘Didn ‘t everyone stop listening to that tranny mess six months ago? ‘