NO SHIT NEWS MOMENTS OF THE WEEK

A lot of things happened this week. So far, we ‘re surprised by none of them.

Pat O ‘Brien is back in rehab . No shit. He just got fired after insulting everyone at the Insider via email.

No one wants to see Dakota Fanning ‘s rape scene . No shit. She was twelve when she shot that scene. Now, it ‘s been pulled from over 5000 theaters. (We’ll be equally unsurprised when that’s the most successful movie of her life.)

David Blaine is not really hanging upside down for 60 hours. No shit. He takes breaks every twenty-five minutes to relieve himself and stretch. Wow. Magic. No one really thought he was going to do that anyway.

Lindsay Lohan confirms her relationship with Samantha Ronson on Loveline. No shit. They ‘ve been inseparable, holding hands, and kissing in public for a year.

George Michael arrested in a bathroom. No shit. This happens so often, I’m falling asleep while writing about it.

Clay Aiken is Gay. No shit. Simon Cowell says it for us, “Wow, that’s a shock. It’s like being told Santa Clause isn’t real – unbelievable.”