By: FOD Wire
Zoo Rampage Boy Witnessed By Tree
Last week a 7 year old boy went on a rampage at an Australian zoo, bashing lizards over the head and feeding them to a giant crocodile. A tree witnessed the whole thing. This is a transcript of what the tree was thinking.
“Crikey it's a beautiful day! Sun is shining, birds are singin' and what not. Great day for the ol' zoo if you ask me. Ha! Look at that little fella tryin' to climb the fence of the lizard habita-Oh…he made it over. Nimble little Bogga Wogga in't he? Yeah, probably be just a matter o' seconds till some adult sees him and get's that Tike outta there. He's right next to Terry the croc's cage. Not safe 'avin a little fella runnin' round so close. Is sorta cute though, seein' him explore and be so interested in the animals that he'd hop a fence
just to get a closer loo-HOLY FUCKIN' SHIT! He just bashed that Western Blue Tongue Lizard over the head with a rock!
Oh my God! Where's the security guard?! ! In my 60 years as a tree at this zoo I have never seen-NO! He's throwing the lizard into the Croc cage! Oh Jesus! Why is this monster child doing this? Oh no! He's got the Bearded Dragon! Not the BD…he's rare and would be very difficult to re-OH! Terry just ate the shit out of that Bearded Dragon!
Someone please stop this boy! God Damn it I wish tree's could talk! Wait! I know! I'll release a pollen into the air that will notify other trees and plants that there's danger here…..Ah…there we go; pollen released! But what good is that going to do? C'mon Tree don't be such an idiot! Releasing a pollen? Just because it was cool in “The Happening” doesn't make it useful here..OH. MY. GOD! Not the Thorny Devil Lizards! Those guys are my friends! NO! NO! WHERE THE FUCK ARE ALL THE GROWN UPS?!!……”
End of transcript.