Another Guy Named William Ayers Forced to Find His Own Fun

Baton Rouge, LA – William Ayers, 37, from Baton Rouge, Louisiana has had a lot of time to himself as of late. ‘ “My life used to be a blast,” said Ayers, “my pals and I used to go fishing, we'd go to the arcade, we'd do the mini-golf. ‘ Now nobody will even return my calls.”

Ayers blames the drop off on the William Ayers from Chicago, who was once a domestic terrorist and whose association with Barack Obama is now central to John McCain's presidential campaign. ‘ “People hear the name William Ayers, and everyone immediately thinks 'terrorist'. ‘ I'm not a terrorist, I decorate cakes!”

Ayers recently purchased Rock Band 2 for his Xbox 360, but sadly, he's never played it in full band mode. ‘ “I had to sell my see-saw too,” said Ayers, “I used to love to play on that thing, but now it's no more than just an uncomfortable seat.” ‘

Ayers recently launched a counter attack to the robocalls the McCain campaign has been making to members of his community. ‘ “Basically, I've just been calling people and I just tell em, 'Hey, it's me Bill Ayers, no I'm not the Bill Ayers from the politics, I live at 435 Chestnut St. and I recently bought Rock Band 2 and a lot of snacks. ‘ I also have an extensive DVD collection and a bocce ball set if you'd like to come over and hang out.”

I had to end my interview with Ayers early, as he started to creep me out. ‘ ‘ “Come on man, just stay for a little while longer,” said Ayers. ‘ “I've got nothing, I've got no friends, my dog ran away. ‘ Where are you going? ‘ Can I come? ‘ Please just stay. ‘ Just do one mad lib with me. ‘ Just one? ‘ Just give me an adjective, a noun! ‘ Anything! ‘ Oh fuck it.”