10/30 No Shit News of the Week

A lot of things happened this week. So far, we ‘re surprised by none of them.
The world ‘s fattest man got married.
No shit. The world ‘s fattest woman is still dating but she really wants to know where this relationship is going.
Melrose Place is the latest in unnecessary television remakes.
No shit. By that math, if it takes ten years to make a shitty soap opera important, look for new versions of Party of Five and Ally McBeal next year.
A rest stop named for Howard Stern was closed down because couples were having sex inside the bathrooms.
No shit. Rest stops are for anonymous gay trucker sex.
Joy Behar and Elisabeth Hasselbeck, from The View, are not speaking to each other.
No shit. Even those women can ‘t stand the sound of each other ‘s voices off the air.
Cloris Leachman was voted off of Dancing with the Stars.
No shit. Leachman turned every week ‘s genre into a lap dance. She was the DTWS ‘ horny 82-year-old version of Sanjaya.
Joaquin Phoenix announced his retirement from acting.
No shit. If he was trying to quit while he was ahead, he should have thrown in the towel after ‘Space Camp ‘.
The Jonas Brothers will star in a movie about a ‘farting dog ‘.
No shit. The price of selling your soul has gone up.