FOD’s Guide to Voter Propositions

Election day can be confusing when it comes to voting on your local propositions. Luckily, Funny Or Die has prepared a handy study guide to this year's major ballot initiatives:
Prop 1: ‘ MORE HUMANE STANDARDS FOR CUTE FARM ANIMALS: $12 million ballot measure protecting cute farm animals from cruelty. $3 million dollars of the initiative would go to increasing cruelty toward the ugly animals.
Prop 4: FIGURING OUT THE MEANING OF NEW BOND FILM TITLE BOND: $17 million bond issued to movie-goers to decipher the meaning of the title Quantum of Solace.
Prop 7: INITIATIVE FOR THE IMMEDIATE DEPORTATION OF GUYS NAMED “ROY”: This proposition is a population control measure that would involve rounding up all men named “Roy” and shipping them to New Zealand to live the remainder of their lives.
Prop 19: JUST LEGALIZE IT ALREADY, MAN: Ballot initiative to stop being so uptight and just legalize it because I need it for medical reasons, I totally swear, I can show you a note from my doctor.
Prop 31: CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT PROHIBITING ONANISTIC MARRIAGE: Bans marriage between a man and himself.
Prop 28: INITIATIVE FOR THE ESTABLISHMENT OF NATIONAL HERVE VILLECHAIZE DAY: This initiative would make the diminutive Fantasy Island actor's birthday an official government holiday.
Prop 96: GOVERNMENT GRANT TO ALTERNATIVE BANDS DEVELOPING ALTERNATIVE ENERGY: $50 million dollar grant to the Pixies and Sleater-Kinney for the development of clean alternative energy that runs on the power of discordant melodies and wry, bittersweet lyrics.
Prop 97: OVERSIZED SUNGLASSES: (Whoops! I mixed up this prop list with Carrot Top's prop list! Happy voting, everyone!)