Post Holiday Special: Vague News Round Up

A foggy recap of the news from the past couple of weeks ‘by and for
people who are just beginning to recover from the Holidays.
That one guy is still President but only for like two weeks or something.
People are playing football again. These guys in college played a
whole bunch of football this past week.
That one tiny desert country invaded that other tiny desert country
because that tiny desert country kept letting these dudes fire missiles
into the other country ‘.Oh, and this is probably the start of World
War III.
That guy with the weird hair from Chicago who got caught saying what
all politicians think filled this one job position even though
everyone was like “There's no way we'll accept someone you choose for
this job”. The weird hair guy was like “Oh really? 'Cause this dude's
black and if you don't let him keep the job I guess you're in the
KKK.”
Linsday Lohan beat up some dude in a hotel room on New Years Eve.
That guy from New Mexico that looks like Horatio Sanz, who is in the
process of being busted for the same thing as the Chicago guy with the
weird hair, quit this job he was gonna have in Obama's White House.
….In a related story Horatio Sanz lost a fuck-ton of weight and
looks awesome.
That one movie with the funny doggy, Rachel from friends and that dude
that tried to kill himself is number one at the box office.
That one movie “Benji's Buttons” is not number one at the box office.
The United States of America has no money at all and it's because of
the car companies and that one guy who walks around New York with a
Yankees hat and a blue ladies parka.