By: Dan Abramson
I don't even like American Idol*, but last night's results have gotten me fired up. Not because Adam Lambert didn't win (while he's obviously talented, I don't think he's the god that everyone made him out to be), but because America seems to be in love with mediocrity.
Mediocrity in the form of Kris Allen. Kris Allen? The guy with no personality and an average voice?
I've been using this blog for my ramblings about candy and snacks, so I guess I have to tie that in somehow.
Kris Allen is vanilla. Soft serve.
He's the guy in college that had no personality but could swoon the ladies because he had a guitar and knew enough chords to play “Free Fallin.”
He's the guy who you're friends with, but when someone asks you to describe him, you draw a blank and tell them he's a “real good guy.”
If Kris Allen were a TV show, he'd be According To Jim.
If I invited Kris Allen to a dinner party, he'd show up and ask if he can chip in instead of bringing a casserole. Kris Allen brings nothing to the table.
If Kris Allen were a baseball team, he'd be the Baltimore Orioles. Sure, we all know they exist, and they're not that bad, but do we need 'em?
Kris Allen has two first names. And the first one is spelled wrong. That's the only thing I know about him.
And apparently that's the only thing America needed to know.
Thank you for your time,
*Actually a lie.