Pretend Food

Are you a hoarder who’s often unsure of which holiday songs to listen to while you prep your biohazard home for a Yuletide celebration? Yes? You are?! Then wipe that roll of pennies and empty WD-40 can off your track pad and get to readin’ because we’ve got the guide for you. No longer will you need to wonder whether “Feliz Navidad” is a crawling through dirty diapers to find your iceberg-lettuce-garland kind of tune. (It’s not, but “All I Want For Christmas Is You” IS!)