By: Chase Bernstein
Vince ‘??s Imminent Death
It feels like Doug Ellin is itching for this to happen. Vince has been bombarded with everything from stalkers to car crashes to plane jumpings out of to a classic case of the blues. Somebody wants this guy dead, and by somebody I mean everybody. Although his death is inevitable, here ‘??s to hoping it happens sooner than later in some really boring, talentless way.
Statutory Rape Charges
Sometimes you honestly can ‘??t tell how old a girl is, but that honestly wasn ‘??t the case when E hooked up with the clearly 14-year old tween otherwise known as Ashley, his then neighbor. Hopefully her lawyers have been building the case for the past year or so, giving E something really juicy to pout about for at least three episodes.
Sasha Grey: Renaissance Woman
Who would of thunk it? This little minx has knowledge aplenty, passions outside of her true passion, if you will. Whether she ‘??s cooking up some penis pancakes, enjoying a film at the Nuart, or taking literary cues from Oscar Wilde, Sasha Grey is single handedly reminding the world that hey, porn stars are just regular, well-rounded people who also recognize that a cum shot can pay your cell phone bill.
The Gang ‘??s Official Stand On The iPhone 4
Speaking of cell phones, you know Vince hooked the whole gang up with new iPhones. Since Ari and E spend a good chunk of every episode on their phones, America wants to know: yay or nay on the iPhone4? Ari can ‘??t afford to have calls dropped espesh since he ‘??s about to deservingly own a football team. ‘??AT&T blows, ‘? ‘ just isn ‘??t going to cut it. This is the NFL for Christ sakes. ‘ ‘??Saigon, Saigon!? Hey man, it ‘??s Turtle ‘? ‘Turtle, I used to be your manager, can you hear, Saigon!? Hello? Sai- Nooooooooooo! ‘? ‘ As a former chauffeur and failing entrepreneur, Turtle cannot afford to have his calls dropped. There's an ep for that.
Jessica Simpson has always been somewhat of a creature of mystery in Hollywood and now that we've gotten a taste of her life, now that we've wet our palettes, well, we're hungry for more info, and also hungry in general. So many questions: Was that her dog in real life? Was that a happy weight for her? Does she have 98 Degrees on her iPod? Does she even have an iPod? If they keep booking these A list guest spots, people will keep watching for at least three more episodes.
Glimpses of Urth Café
Always nice to check in with that great eating establishment. Who got oatmeal (I ‘??m looking at you E) and who got a simple glass of OJ? Stay Tuned.
Wikipedia Search: Anal Sex
Not since High School sex education videos has there been a more accurate portrayal of sex in the butt. Excuse me, Sasha Grey but it's not all, ‘??Oooh, aah, use this hole tonight, I ‘??m flexible. ‘? ‘ Things get tense, people get confused but not so confused that Wikipedia can't set them straight. E and Sloan really brought it back to reality when they started laughing. Sometimes we have to step back, reflect and say something like, ‘??What are we doing here? I mean, I know we ‘??re trying anal but for what? For who? ‘? ‘ Something like that. ‘
The Entourage Musical Episode
A la Glee, Vince will do a lackluster rendition of , ‘??I Will Survive, ‘? ‘ upon hearing he was fired from his latest action flick. Turtle will croon a sultry version of Tom Waits ‘??, ‘??The One Who Got Away, ‘? ‘ whilst staring at a headshot of Jamie Lynn Sigler. Ari will hike up to the Hollywood sign and belt out Bryan Adams ‘??, ‘??(Everything I Do) I Do It For You, ‘? ‘ and E will inexplicably dress up in drag and sing a gutsy interpretation of Cher ‘??s, ‘??If I Could Turn Back Time. ‘? ‘
Drama ‘??s Potential Cameo on “The Hard Times of RJ Berger”
Because he wouldn ‘??t even have to look at the script to say, ‘??Baby bro, you got a huge dick.. ‘? ‘