By: ArtieJohann

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Can ‘t Afford A Gun? Just Fake it!

This not-so-recent-anymore economic turmoil has affected alot of people in our country, some more than others. Yes, I ‘??m talking specifically about aspiring gun owners. I know it ‘??s hard to believe, but somepeople in our great country can ‘??t even afford guns anymore. Can you imagine that? A life devoid of those things that makereally loud noises. What, are weliving in the Canadian suburbs?

Here are a few helpful tips to help those without guns, makepeople think that they have guns.

Shout ‘??I have a gun! ‘? ‘

This tactic works best around the fearful. Try using it in churches, preschools,or your local Curves. Try to avoidusing it in places where people may actually own guns like police stations,high schools, or within one square mile of Ted Nugent

Creative shadow work.

In theright light, and with the right poses, you can easily trick people intothinking you ‘??re packing heat. Tryto avoid making shadows that enhance the size of your genitalia. When you have a gun, size doesn ‘??tmatter.


We ‘??veall seen what a banana inside a jacket pocket can accomplish.*

*Thisof course is a reference to the popular 90 ‘??s criminal ‘??Banana Gun Jones. ‘? ‘ BananaGun Jones terrorized stores and markets in the Los Angeles area using just aMembers Only jacket and a banana. He successfully robbed over 100 establishments, accumulating over$200,000 in cash and jewelry. BananaGun fled the United States before ever getting caught. He spent his remaining years in the bananarich jungles of Panama, eventually succumbing to the country ‘??s deadly macheteepidemic.

Get shot.

Whenpeople ask you what happened, tell them that you were in a gunfight. Ownership of your own gun is thenimplied.

Put a lot of stuff in your pockets.

Everyone ‘??s got stuff. Just shove that stuff into your pockets and walk around like you havelots of stuff in your pockets. You ‘??ll look just like Schwarzenegger did in Commando, and everyone knowswhat happened to the people who kidnapped his daughter in that movie. They died. From guns.*

*Results may definitely vary

Don ‘??t masturbate with shampoo.

Not a gun thing, just good advice.

Buy a gun handle.

The more expensive parts of a gun are in the front, but allsome people need to see is the handle. Stick the handle inside the waist ofyour pants and give people a peek. If that doesn ‘??t work, show them a handful of bullets. ‘??I ‘??m totally gonna load my gun laterwith these bullets that shoot, ‘? ‘ is a good thing to say to keep them on their toes.

Find a mime.

Those idiots will believe anything is real.

I hope these tips help you get that feeling of power back inyour life. If not, just rememberthat somewhere out there there ‘??s a guy that ‘??s not you running a 5K for reasonsmeaningless to most.

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