By: kellyoxford
Kelly Oxford’s 4 Favorite Conversations of the Week
Bible Wielding Boy and Girl At My Door
ME: So are you guys still waiting around for Jesus to come back or what?
GIRL: Of course. ‘
ME: Do you think he will be old gross Jesus, or still the young hot one who can make wine from water?
GIRL: Um ‘? ‘
BOY: ‘? ‘. He ‘??ll be the hot one.
70 y/o Woman and Her Husband Outside a Liquor Store
In A Cab
The cab driver has a sunbleached photo of Monica Lewinsky taped to his dashboard.
He is chanting, Muslim chant style…
DRIVER: MOOOOOOONNNICALEWWWWWWWWINSKY MOOOOOOONNNICALEWWWWWWWWINSKYMOOOOOOONNNICALEWWWWWWWWINSKY MOOOOOOONNNICALEWWWWWWWWINSKY….
5 minutes later
DRIVER: MOOOOOOONNNICALEWWWWWWWWINSKYMOOOOOOONNNICALEWWWWWWWWINSKY
ME: Excuse me, are you chanting Monica Lewinsky?
DRIVER: ‘This side (makes breast shape in front of his torso) THIS SIDE VERY GOOD! Monica Lewinsky many milk. ‘
ME: Go on then. It's okay.
DRIVER: MOOOOOOONNNICALEWWWWWWWWINSKYMOOOOOOONNNICALEWWWWWWWWINSKY
Henry (6) and Sal (9) Talk About Sex
SAL: Next year I get to take sex education. 4th grade!
ME: Can't wait.
HENRY: What's sex education?
SAL: Sex?! I'm not telling you. Mom, don't tell him.
ME: I'm not telling him in the car.
HENRY: Sex? Sexy? Grandad already told me that sexy is when you are 'lookin' good'
SAL: No, SEX. It's when you make a baby.
HENRY: Yeah yeah yeah… I knew that.
SAL: Oh really? Then tell me, how do you make the baby?
HENRY: You make the baby by sexing it. DUH. ‘
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