By: Dan Abramson

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Oh Professional Athletes And Your Illegitimate Children

If you're not watching “Hard Knocks” on HBO, you should be. Even if you're not a football fan. Why? Because while yes, it's about football, but it's also about seemingly fictional characters who do stuff like have a ridiculous number of children, then have trouble recalling their names. That's good TV.
People like Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie, who when asked the names of his kids actually struggles to provide the answer. So if you're ever wondering if you hit the point when you have too many illegitimate children (something we've all dealt with), here's what it looks like. ‘

Granted, he's no Shawn Kemp, but however many kids he has is too many kids. Too many, Antonio!
So Antonio, let's settle it down. Scale it back from 7 or 8 kids with 6 or 7 women to ohh…4 or 5 kids with 4 or 5 women. Perhaps keeping it at a 1:1 ratio for the time being will help you adjust. And you have plenty of time to reach that goal. You're only 17 years old.
On a side note, I'd like to congratulate you on what sounds like an amazing 2006. Given your awe-inspiring number of 3 year-olds, it sounds like you celebrated your rookie contract the only way you knew how: finding women who will eventually file paternity suits against you.

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