By: Funny Or Die
Osama Bin Laden is BACK! The hitmaker has just released a new mixtape to the masses. Granted, it's just an audio tape (I know, right – FAAAKE), but it's the real deal. You can tell by the way he goes on and on about climate control and helping those in need. Naturally. From
“The huge climate change is affecting our (Islamic) nation and is causing great catastrophes throughout the Islamic world,” he says in the tape. “It is not sufficient anymore to maintain the same relief efforts as previously, as it has become crucial to deliver tents, food and medicine.”
Okay, so apparently Bin Laden and Al Gore are pretty much the same person. Assuming Bin Laden's voice now sounds like he just ate way too many empanadas during the hors d'oeuvres hour, and Al Gore used to kill millions of innocent people. Both. Are. True.
Anyway, here are some other things Bin Laden went on to say:
“Rick Sanchez? How did no one see this coming? I mean, I hate Jews as much as the next guy, but at least I don't have a CNN show. Yet.”
“Capitalism. I could get used to that.”
“I can't believe I fell for the old 'LemonParty.org' trick.”
“Who wants cake?”
“The core problem Americans face is a general apathy. It's not so much the government that's the problem in America. But a general apathy by most that gives way to the extremists. They should do something about that. LOL.”
Okay, he didn't say any of that. He's still a monster. A monster who's now making completely logical statements. And is also besties with Al Gore.