By: Paul Danke

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5 Halloween Costumes That Won’t Embarrass You

#5 Mad Men ‘??s Ken Cosgrove

Look, Mad Men costumes are now Mad Dated costumes ‘?? theconventional ones anyway. If you ‘??re a hot busty redhead you ‘??ve already beenJoan once or twice, and dressing as Don?! Please ‘? ‘ costume-wise that dude is acut rate Dick Tracy. However, ifyou come to a party as the milquetoast Ken Cosgrove, everyone will applaud yourironic flair. Items needed for costume: blonde hair, boring suit and a copy ofThe Atlantic Monthly (a magazine that published his short story) Difficulty:milquetoast

#4 Lt. James Rupert Rhodes AKA War Machine (the TerranceHoward version)

Super heroes are classic Halloween costume fodder ‘? ‘ yawwwwn.Why do you want to go as Iron Man?! Are you 8? Are you without originality?! Goas the man behind the man behind the iron man, Lt. James Rupert Jones! PLUS youget to go in black face (depending on your own race), which is ALWAYS a partystarter. Just don ‘??t go as the Don Cheadle version, while we all thought it wasbetter casting, it just wasn ‘??t. Items needed for costume: war machine suit, ordress-blues and a solid Terrance Howard impression. Difficulty: Don Cheadle

#3 Chilean Miner (any of them)

It ‘??s topical-ish, and generic enough as acostume that you can throw this one together, and hey, if the outfit wascomfortable enough to last 66 days, I think you can swing it for an evening.Added bonus if you can get a whole group of dudes to come also dressed asChilean Miners. Items needed for costume: Chilean flag, hardhat, wrap aroundshades to help you see in the dark tunnel (I guess?). Difficulty:subterranean ‘

#2 The Twitter Bird

Everyone knows this now iconic bird (although who knows whatkind of bird it is really) and it will certainly garner you a few conversationsabout twitter thereby getting you more followers (follow @pauldanke). If youREALLY want to shine on the judges, bring a fat friend to pose as the TwitterFail Whale ‘?? everyone will get a chuckle. Items you will need for costume: abird costume, a blue one, you should also have a twitter account. Difficulty:for the birds

#1 Cigar Guy

The best Halloween costume is obscure enough where everyoneelse isn ‘??t in the same get-up but popular enough where everyone recognizes itimmediately ‘?? enter The Tiger Woods scene-stealer Cigar Guy. For whateverreason, a miracle happened recently where Tiger hit a ball directly into acamera, and that ended up being the least interesting part of the photo. Amodern day Bigfoot, Cigar Guy appears in the photo, while there are stilldiscussions as to his authenticity, obviously he did something right. This lookwill steal any Halloween costume contest (unless it ‘??s judged by stupid girls).Items needed for costume: Mario mustache, Rick Ross sized cigar, a red wig WITHponytail and an ugly ass jacket.

Difficulty: Sssssssmokin'

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