By: Dan Abramson
So much happened this week. So much to cover. So I’ll do it the only way I know how:
Eschewing major story lines in favor of dick jokes.
Sooo ‘without further ado, let’s start with the Vikings and Packers. If you cared about the outcome of the game, you’d already know that Aaron Rodgers continued to be an emotionless robot while throwing four touchdowns, crushing his former mentor in the process.
And that’s the end of the Brad Childress era. I could’ve called that one the moment he was hired. Regardless of whether or not he was a good coach, Childress just kind of looks like the guy in the office that has to repeatedly ask when the water cooler is being refilled, yet would never be the guy to replace that huge jug himself for fear that it would spill and he’d be further ostracized. No? That’s just me? Whatever. He’s fired. Screw you guys for not following me on that awesome scenario.
Anyway, Childress is gone. But it’s not all his fault. Favre runs that team, which of course leads to ridiculous offensive game plans that ignore the fact that they arguably have the best running back in the league.
If you’re keeping score at home (and you better be since I’ll never use that phrase again), the last two coaches to have been fired (Wade Philips being the previous one) have been axed after embarrassing losses to the Packers.
And while we’re on Favre, are we still making penis jokes? That hasn’t lost it’s fun yet, has it? I hope not, because this photoshop of him flying home for Thanksgiving is happening.
So you know how Ben Roethelisberger is a rapist? Good times. Anyway, something happened in the game against the Raiders, which was won by one of the teams — that part’s irrelevant. After scoring a touchdown, Roethlisberger was gleefully hopping around like he just had sex with a girl against her will. But THEN, giant Raiders defensive lineman Richard Seymour SLAPPED HIM. Right in the face. It was glorious, and as most glorious things are, it’s now in GIF form:
Don’t worry. After regaining his desire to violate human beings, Roethlisberger was able to get back to his job as a TSA agent.
So the Bills stand atop the AFC East with a dominant 2-0 record. What’s that? It’s Week 11? Sure sure. For everyone else. I actually just found out that the Bills played eight extra preseason games, so ‘undefeated.
Yes, with a perfect record, we’ll have to retire the running section “This Week in the Bills are the F–king Worst.” It was a good run, and we’ll have to find a replacement, but when your wide receivers are making awesome references to 2008 movies, you’ve got to move on.
Speaking of outdated references, Peyton had some choice words for brother Eli after both suffered tough defeats.
So Vince Young’s just a big baby, right? Not like immature. But an actual baby. Because only babies throw temper tantrums and throw off their clothes when they’re upset. Yes, that’s what VY did after he was taken out of the game – threw his helmet and shoulder pads into the stands.
“I’m not a baby, you’re the baby.”
-Something Vince Young undoubtedly says every week, upon which he compliments himself on the witty zing.
The Dolphins fell to the Bears on Thursday night in a game nobody watched because the NFL refuses to let you enjoy its NFL Network. At least the players got three days of rest before they played a game seen by no one.
The Saints are good again, which is awesome if you still want to feel good about New Orleans. But if you ask me, they’re starting to get a bit cocky. I mean, Treme` wasn’t even that good. Yet, New Orlean’s has been all like “It’s our Cheers.” Relax New Orleans. You won a Super Bowl. You’re now back to being everyone’s favorite city as long as they don’t have to live there. Congrats.
Jets are overrated. I don’t care if they’re 8-2. They’re needing wayyyyy to many heroics to beat shitty teams. Even the Bills didn’t need overtime to beat the Lions. And at the time, they were the worst. So if you use simple math, it’s easy to see that the Jets are now the worst team in the league.
Then again, Santonio Holmes. I know. I know.
Alright, what’d I miss? Nothing, right? I got everything. Clearly.