By: Dan Abramson
The Most Important Parts of the Golden Globes (As Indicated by the Internet)
The Golden Globes were on last night. But like all things that people look forward to watching on TV, I skipped it, knowing that the internet would immediately fill me in on what I missed. ‘
And the internet did not disappoint! This half-assed recap would like to thank Twitter, Tumblr, and NBC for being so diligent in posting clips online. Also, this guy: ‘

Yes, I know it was from last year. But its very existence confirms that the internet will step up and clue me in to the moments that matter. The moments that the so-called “media” will not report. Did the New York Times put this GIF on its front page last year? Way to bury the lede, all newspaper outlets that didn't mention Brendan Fraser's clap n' laugh until the end of their article-story-thingies. Just kidding. The newspapers didn't even mention Fraser. Just kidding again. Newspapers don't exist. ‘
So the jokes were good. Funny jokes! No doubt about that. But yeah, perhaps a tad too mean-spirited to really get me laughing. Perhaps took some unnecessary shots at celebs. Then again, this is who he was mocking:
But if the internet reflects the views of the Hollywood Foreign Press, the big winner of the night was Robert Downey, Jr. (I assume the Hollywood Foreign Press bases their decisions on who's the most GIF-able, which would also mean Brendan Fraser should be up for a lifetime ‘achievement ‘any day now.)
Top 3 Robert Downey Jr. Moments from the 2011 Golden Globes
1. Nailing the Comeback
Gervais introduced Downey with, “But many of you in this room probably know him best from such facilities as the Betty Ford Clinic and Los Angeles County Jail. Ladies and gentleman, Robert Downey Jr.” Ouch. ‘
But not everyone.
Some handled it better than others. And when I say “some,” I mean Robert Downey Jr, who responded like a pro, opening with: “Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister undertones, I'd say the vibe of the show is pretty good so far, wouldn't you?” Well played.
2. Announcing his intentions of sleeping with Emma Stone, prompting this exchange:

Some other highlights: ‘
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That was also Bale's reaction to Burlesque winning an award. That's right. The Cher/Christina Aguilera powerhouse will now be known as Award-Winning Film Burlesque.
Also, everyone loves Glee. ‘
Also, good for Glee. ‘
So in conclusion, 2011 Golden Globe awards ‘they existed. And like most things, NMBFC (Needs More Brendan Fraser Clapping). ‘