MY MOM REVIEWS: BLACK SWAN

The next time I go to a movie is when Will Ferrell is in something new. I can't take these depressing movies anymore. One word to describe Black Swan – CRAAAAAAAAAAZY. Natalie was terrific. I would give anyone who can grow feathers an Academy Award. She grows feathers and plucks them out then suddenly she's got full blown feathers.
I always wanted to be a ballerina, after this movie, I would never let my grandchildren go for ballet. I feel sorry for ballerinas now. I know it's a lot of practice, but it's kind of ridiculous.
It's the story of someone who gets the lead in Swan Lake. To get the lead you have to be the most perfect dancer and she beat everyone else out. ‘ Everybody who has a mother and thinks their's is crazy should go see this. Barbara Hershey is mommy Dearest – are you too young to know that? Basically, the mother was a freak. Who watches their children sleep like that? I'd never watch you sleep. The mother wanted Natalie to be perfect then she got perfect and it was terrible. Nobody is perfect. Remember that. I guess when you get to be perfect, you either go crazy or you kill yourself. It's a good thing that we're not perfect.
I liked Mila Kunis – she is in something on TV, right? – I thought she was pretty innocent because I think everything Natalie did with her was a dream. I don't think that lesbian thing happened.
I hated the lead choreographer. I forget his name. He just wanted these girls to fall at his feet. He was a real male chauvinist pig. He just scared them into submission. I don't like them.
And was that Winona Ryder? What happened to her? You blink and she's gone.
It's very very dark and depressing. Doesn't have a happy ending. I wouldn't watch it again. I don't know if I liked it. I don't think I did. I loved the music and the ballet and seeing Lincoln Center. I'm thinking that probably Natalie Portman did all those dances. She was on her toes and everything. She deserves best actress. Even though I like Annette Benning for

.
One thing, I'll never pull another cuticle again. If you've seen it, you know what I mean.
The new movie theme is that people are dreaming things. Make a movie with dreaming and you get an Academy Award. Between this and

, I'm not happy.
Also, she looked like Giada from the Food Network. If you put that swan make up on Giada she would look like Natalie. Now I can't stop thinking about Black Swan when I watch Giada. She ruined my cooking show.

3 out of 5 stars
Will Ferrell, make another movie, I'm ready to laugh.