By: A General Nonchalance
It's not shocking that newspapers ready the obituaries of notable figures well before their deaths. But c'mon, that's pretty great. And on top of that, odds are that he didn't write it on his deathbed. It's very possible Gussow wrote that in the 80s and it was just sitting in a folder on his desk, with a note that read: ‘
I was bored and feeling somewhat morbid so I began fantasizing about what celebrities will die and how I'd honor them. Don't judge me. This is what I do. You knew that when you hired me to write obituaries. Jesus. Anyway, when I pass well before these folks, feel free to use pre-written obituaries as you please. K thanx bye.
So, in honor of Mel Gussow, it got us thinking about what other celebrities are newspapers anxiously waiting to be found floating in someone's pool. ‘
Will Probably Die: 2157
Will Probably Die: 2017. He can only hold on for so long. ‘
Will Probably Die: 2014, upon which he'll say something like “Why are caskets so decorative? If you're inside them, who cares what they look like on the outside. I don't understand.”
-A newspaper employee who's sole job is “Rooney Watch”
Will Probably Die: Two weeks ago during his UStream broadcast.
Robert Deniro/Al Pacino
Will Probably Die: One will die in 2024, the other in 2030. But in 2050, you'll never remember which was which.
Will Probably Die: Never. We've got the Shat forever. ‘