Advice For Donald Trump: 17 Things Presidential Candidates Don’t Do

So Donald Trump been making the rounds, talking up a run at the Presidency. Clearly. In his mind, keeping America from being a “laughingstock” includes electing a laughingstock. Great plan.
But Donald, before you really gear up to continue to make a fool of yourself in on an even broader scale, we wanted to clue you in on a few things that Presidential candidates do not do.
1. Presidential candidates do not refrain from announcing their candidacy because they're caught up in a reality show. People who run the United States of America do not set their priorities as: Fire people with catchphrases on television, run America.

2. Presidential candidates do not get roasted by The Situation.
3. Presidential candidates do not send special-ops units to Hawaii to uncover the current president's birth certificate because underneath five pounds of hair, they are a racist who is uncomfortable at the notion of a black man leading the free world.
4. Presidential candidates do not look like this dog:

5. Presidential candidates do not write books on not going bankrupt, only to go bankrupt.
6. Presidential candidates do not rent tent space to Libyan dictators vacationing in America, only to act like he kicked their ass to the curb when we go to war with that very dictator.
7. Presidential candidates have slogans. They do not have catchphrases.
8. Presidential candidates do not get elected to the Gaming Hall of Fame.
9. Presidential candidates should not be aware that the Gaming Hall of Fame is a real thing that actually exists.
10. Presidential candidates do not have an entrance theme song in the WWE. And if they do, they do not choose the most obvious song. (He chose “Money, Money” because that's what walking cliches do.)

12. Presidential candidates do not make former beauty queens look like viable alternatives.
13. Presidential candidates do not own the Miss Universe Organization.
14. Presidential candidates do not contribute to the financial crisis, then criticize the government for over-spending.
15. Presidential candidates do not call themselves “The Donald.”
16. Presidential candidates are not named Donald Trump.
17. Presidential candidates are not Donald Trump.
Got all that? Great! See you never!