By: A General Nonchalance

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7 People Who May Be Revealed As Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Love Child

Haley Joel Osment


Connection: Both have played robots on film/may actually be robots.
Making the Case: Okay, okay. You’re probably saying Haley’s wayyyy too small to be Arnold’s offspring. But it’s possible that Arnold had sex with Danny Devito, which explains why this movie exists:

Miko Hughes (AKA “The 'Boys Have a Penis Girls Have a Vagina' Kid)

Connection: Worked together on the award-winning film Kindergarten Cop with an uncanny chemistry.
Making the Case: The rapport was almost too good. Hughes may have seemed like a precocious child with his insistence that boys have a penis and girls have a vagina, which should’ve been up for debate, but in reality that was just the instinct of a budding pervert ‘? ‘much like his father.

Spike from 'Little Giants'

Connection: Muscles, chiseled jaw-line. ‘
Making The Case: The kid was a champion weight-lifer and had major aggression issues, which came out in the form of mistreating women (The Icebox, notably). Arnold also made repeated references to the “Annexation of Puerto Rico” during his stint as Governor. ‘

Dolph Lundgren

Connection: Both are giant foreigners who inflict pain on people in movies. ‘
Making the Case: Look, I know the ages won't match up. But then again, Arnold has defied all logical thought in the past few weeks. What I'm getting at is I would not be shocked if he fathered a child when he was ten years old and that child would grow up to lead the Soviet Union's foray in hand-to-hand combat. ‘

Janet Reno

Connection: Their faces, bone structure, thirst for overall destruction.
Making the Case: Listen, we know Arnold’s no stranger to traveling back in time for the sake of humanity. This is what he does. Well, one time while gallivanting around the old west, he had sex with an old oak tree who later gave birth to Janet Reno.

Brigitte Nielsen

Connection: (see Dolph Lundgren)
Making the Case: (See Dolph Lundgren, her overall ability to instill fear in any man who stands in her way.)

At Least Forty People in This Random Crowd

Connection: They’re human beings and exist.
Making the Case: That pretty much fits the criteria needed when proving that someone is the spawn of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Case closed.

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