By: Dan Abramson

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13 Rejected TItles for The Russian Release of “Captain America”

Marvel Studios’ ‘Captain America: The First Avenger ‘is undergoing a

  • when it's released in Russia, Ukraine and South Korea this summer, where it will be called simply ‘The First Avenger.
    Ummm, okay. So the studios were worried that the mere mention of America would turn off foreign moviegoers. Normally, I'd make some of half-ass claim to defend us, but the truth of the matter is if you asked me to point at Ukraine on a map, I'd say “no, thank you” and change the subject in an attempt to sidestep my ignorance. So fair enough, foreign markets, you have every right to hate us. Or at the very least, me.
    Anyway, The First Avenger it is. But what titles didn't make the cut? Let's have a look:
    Sergeant Imperialist Dog with Shield
  • Royale with Cheese
  • Vladimir Putin's Movie Film For Good Russians Only
  • The First Avenger: How Russia Totally Won WWII Without Any Help From Anyone, Certainly Not America
  • Big Smurf
  • Captain Texas and the Invasion of the Hot Dogs
  • Batman Is A Movie You Enjoyed, So Here
  • An Insider's Look at How to Destroy America
  • Battleship Potemkin 2
  • 2011's Action Movie for Mother Russia
  • The Country That's Trillions of Dollars in Debt Has Sent Their “Captain”
  • Captain Cuba and The Unmentioned Coincidental Colors
  • A Movie Probably Made by Jews

Got any others? Leave 'em in the comments! America!

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