By: Dan Abramson
“And the Oscar goes to Beethoven's 2nd.” Those were almost the words uttered at the 1994 Academy Awards. And it's a shame it didn't take home the prize, as it would be amazing to go back and find that old VHS tape with the words “The Oscar Winning Film” written underneath Charles Grodin's exasperated “I can't believe I was in a film with Robert Deniro five years ago” face.
So in what category was this Oscar-worthy film almost honored? Best Song. We've embedded it below for your viewing pleasure. It's by Dolly Parton and features wonderfully dramatic shots of dogs. Enjoy:
What can you say about Michael Bay other than the fact that HE FUCKING DELIVERS OSCAR-BAIT EVERY TIME? JK JK JK JK. JK times infinity. He makes fake movies that somehow makes bazillions of dollars and get nominated for oscars? Wait, what? Yeah, Armageddon was nominated for four Academy Awards. The first for best song: Aerosmith's “I Don't Want to Miss a Thing.” Notice that I embedded the song from Beethoven's 2nd above and where I would embed this song I've put a picture of a man in a Panda suit who is very good at dating women who are not in panda suits.
The second award? Best effects – sound editing. Ugh. That means that there were people on this movie who did everything they could to make that that old lady who looks like Steven Tyler sound as crisp as possible.
Also, two more awards that I don't even want to take the time acknowledge.
Also, that song is now in your head even though I didn't embed the video and I'm terribly terribly sorry.
Also, I don't want to miss a thing.
Also Pearl Harbor and Also Transformers
Oh come on. If the Academy was smart, they'd stop encouraging him.
Robocop was also nominated for Best Sound! This is fantastic news for anyone who loves Robocop, which is to say this is fantastic news for awesome people. Mainly because if for some reason – and I hope this never happens – some smug, self-labeled movie buff says “Oh, you like Robocop non-ironically?”, you can respond with: “Yes. I enjoy the Oscar nominated Peter Weller film, Robocop, if that's what you mean.”
Check and mate.
Addams Family Values
The inclusion on of this flick on this list is not to make light of its achievements. As we all know, it featured a very catchy remix of Tag Team's “Whoomp!”, which was sly titled “Addams Family (Whoomp!).”
Its nomination for best art direction is brought up because this was the sequel, which while enjoyable, had exactly the same art direction, sets, make up, as the original, far superior, MC Hammer soundtracked film. By simply being nominated, it can assumed that the first one was retroactively snubbed. And that is what ultimately killed Raul Julia. Those are facts.
. Waterworld is often thought of as the biggest flop in history yet can still claim it was an Oscar-nominated film. So if we're keeping score, here's the tally of Oscar nods for the following movies:
The Shining: 0
Reservoir Dogs: 0
Blood Simple: 0
The Big Lebowski: 0
The Sandlot: 0
Yup. This was nominated for, and won, Best John Lithgow.
Oh if only that were true.
Okay so this was for best sound, too. And I'm including it at the risk of sounding redundant because I'm now instituting a rule that any time you find out that a Sylvester Stallone movie from the 90s was nominated for the most coveted award in Hollywood, it must be acknowledged. And while we're at it, did you know that Sly wrote Rocky? And did you know Rocky won three academy awards and was nominated for another seven?? Sylvester Stallone made that happen.
He, and Steven Seagal — couple of auteurs. Wait, what about Steven Seagal?
Yup. Seagal. Two of them. Best Effects and Best Sound.