The other day, after I had rocked out on Keytar in my 'Warrant' tribute band, 'Subpoena', I noticed an amusingly defaced sign above the head of the groupie snorting lines of coke off of my erect dingus.
Some rapscallion had pasted a cutout of Amy Winehouse's head upon Skeletor's muscular, no doubt well oiled frame. My first thought, after "Why the fuck does anyone keep giving M.Night Shymalan money to make movies?" was how something ordinary and mundane could be transformed by some witty addition into something comedically awesome as shit.
Kind of like a monkey that you can train to play Tekken 3 on the PS1 with you. Or actually not like that at all.
So, instead of adhering to my usual routine for passing time on the internet – That is, looking at fucked up porn with a kind of detached apathy – I decided to compile a collection of the most amusingly brilliant graffiti I could find.
And by the way, when I say I look at fucked up porn, I mean seriously fucked up porn. I'm so desensitized that I one watched a woman straddle another woman who was doing a handstand, pull her butthole open and then poop into the ass of the handstanding girl. Like, right into her ass. The handstanding girl then got up and pooped out the combined mass of her own and the other girl's steaming gutnuggets onto the floor and then they both started to chow down on the almagamated pile of doodie like Ethiopians at an all-you-can-eat buffet.
The most ridiculous moment came when one of the girls looked disgustedly at the camera and proclaimed that she would not continue chomping on her turdburger until someone removed the hair that had come to settle on her 'meal'.
For realsies. It was grossing her out.
See, that's how I roll. I'm dark as shit, man. I'm like Wesley Snipes wearing a Batman costume sitting in K.I.T.T at midnight.
So, what follows is the finest examples of witty graffiti ripostes to signs. Enjoy.
By the way, if anyone knows what happened to EAST 17, drop me a line. I'm genuinely curious.
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