By: MATES VS. From Pepsi MAX
5. That food tastes like crap ‘ ‘
I don’t care how many times you tell me how delicate yet rich they taste, rocky mountain oysters aren’t for me.
4. No one speaks my language ‘ ‘
I bet it’s really easy to find a local guide to a city that speaks your language when you have producers scouting it out for you months in advance. Me? I’m lost in a town square eating fried ants because I can’t pronounce the word for “chicken”.
3. The roads are terrifying ‘ ‘
Please, just once, show me a TV host trying to drive themselves through the Alps late at night like a real traveler. ‘ You can’t. Because no TV host would allow himself to be shown weeping on television.
2. There is a middle class ‘ ‘
The travel host isn’t at the most exclusive restaurant in the country? Oh, they’re in a slum. ‘ Not in a slum? Must be on a yacht! ‘ No yacht? Refugee camp it is then!
1. Food poisoning is real ‘
Take one bite of a farm-grown Kenyan guava and let me know how it goes. Oh wait, I remember how it goes. It goes to the hospital for 3 days for an IV drip and “The Game Plan” in Swahili on repeat.