By: Ally Hord

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Tim Burton’s Rejected Ideas for a Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade Float

“Well, Tim, aside from this being terrifying to small children, unfortunately it's just too similar to our Charlie Brown balloon. Except, you know, with the nails in the eyes thing.”
“Though the added effect of being able to dive these balloons like kites into the crowd is a cool stunt, Tim, ultimately this may pose a safety hazard to have heavy, gas-filled objects dive-bomb thousands of people.”
“Tim, we get you want to promote your upcoming film, but it's a dead dog on fire. Not to mention the obvious hazard of having flames coming off a helium balloon. Too Hindenberg.” 
“Ok. Well. Tim, can you even GET Johnny Depp to do this? We're just a little worried about his knife-hands cutting the balloon strings and him falling to his death over the Rockettes.”
“Tim. Jesus, no. C'mon, man. You know what thousands of screaming babies sounds like? Wait, yes, you probably do.”
“Really, Tim? REALLY? You want us to replace our famous, jolly Santa that kids love – the crowning moment of the parade – with your big-faced, horrifying skeleton man? Tim, why are you such an asshole?”

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