By: Alex Fernie
Where Are They Now: Christmas Special Edition
Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer lead Santa’s sleigh for over four decades. In 2007, however, Santa had to downsize his sleigh team due to a worsening economy and replaced Rudolph with an LED flashlight. He now works as the lighting coordinator at Jolly Holly's Strip Club and Massage Parlor.
Soon after the premiere of his special, Frosty developed a significant cocaine habit. At one point his body was said to have consisted of 30% snow and 70% “snow.” He has since gotten sober and is currently pitching a reality series based on his life called “White Lines.”
The Grinch passed away after suffering a massive coronary caused by his heart growing three sizes too big and bursting through his ribcage.
The Miser brothers eventually put aside their differences and found great success. Snow Miser became the highest paid ice sculptor in Canada. Heat Miser became Phillip Seymour Hoffman.
After returning from the wilderness with Rudolph, Yukon Cornelius and The Abominable Snow Monster, Hermey followed his dreams and became a DDS. He was the North Pole’s top dentist until 1989, when he was accused of groping female elf patients under anesthesia. The case was settled out of court.
The camels followed up their first hit “We Three Kings” with a number of other huge hits, most of which involved camel puns (“Hump Up The Volume”, “Don’t Want No Drama-dary”, “Thirsty For Love”, etc.) And they deserved every bit of success, because they’re the best thing ever to come out of a Christmas special. For real. There’s no joke here. It’s just really awesome. Go watch it and then come back.
Now a fur coat.
Since first appearing on television, the Yule Log has been trapped in a Dante-esque time loop, cursed to spend eternity in agonizing, searing pain as it burns away, only to loop back and start the never-ending anguish all over again.
