?Quien Es Mas Macho?: Star Trek vs. Star Wars

Recently William Shatner and Carrie Fisher exchanged barbs in the media over which franchise was more relevant, Star Trek or Star Wars. And while George Takei went to great lengths to resolve the issue by reminding both sides of the real mutual enemy, Twilight, as a fan of both franchises, and as a person who currently completely lacks a sex life (no way those two are interconnected) I've decided to figure out just who is stronger.

Potentially Gay Asian Characters

Sulu

VS.

Nute Gunray

?Quien Es Mas Macho? — Sulu — Nute Gunray was almost single handedly responsible for the Clone Wars, which means he was also almost single handedly ‘responsible for there being more than one Star Wars prequel. George Takei, alternatively, ‘is responsible for being cooler than William Shatner.

Allied Extraterrestrials

Worf

VS.

Admiral Ackbar

?Quien Es Mas Macho? — Admiral Ackbar — Both have erogenous zones on their forehead. Both were almost mascots for SEC schools (Ackbar Ole Miss, Worf Vanderbilt.) Both look terrifying. But only one has inspired more memes than crying James Van Der Beek. That victory run Ackbar is taking…it's a lap!

Smoothest Characters

Dapper Data and Picard

VS.

Dapper Lando

?Quien Es Mas Macho? — Dapper Lando — Don't get me wrong, Picard and Data in period costume works, but Billy Dee, Billy Dee works every time.

Villains

Khan

VS.

Darth Maul

?Quien Es Mas Macho? — Khan — ?Quien Es Mas Macho? Darth Maul or MontalKhan?””’

!MontalKhaaaan!

Cosplay

Sexy Vulcan

VS.

Slave Leia

?Quien Es Mas Macho? — Slave Leia — The thing is, Sexy Spock is actually an underrated costume. Particularly if you're Asian. Or a hipster. Or a hipster Asian. But I think everyone on earth ever has Google imaged Slave Leia at least once in their life. Twice if you're male. Twenty thousand times if you're me.

Fan Fiction

Kirk/Spock

VS.

Space Ships!

?Quien Es Mas Macho? — Kirk/Spock — Star Trek fan fiction is all about what would happen if Kirk and Spock hooked up. Star Wars fan fiction is all about what would happen if the X-Wing and Y-Wing hooked up.

Worst Characters

Joe Piscopo

VS.

Jar Jar Binks

?Quien Es Mas Macho? — Push — If I told you this one was a gimme you wouldn't know what my answer would be would you? This epitomizes whoever wins, we all lose.

Fans

Star Trek

VS.

Star Wars

?Quien Es Mas Macho? — Abstinence

And the Winner Is…

Don't make me have to choose! I love them both! Can't someone write some Data/C-3PO ‘slash fiction and we can put all of this behind us?'

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