By: A General Nonchalance
Happy new year, guys. We've got a good one ahead of us, so let's take a stab at guessing what'll go down in the next 12 months. It might look somewhat familiar. ‘
- A television show will develop a cult following. The blogs will go nuts for it, ignoring the fact that its mediocre ratings can not sustain the show on the major network that runs it, and believe that since they are talking incessantly about it, the whole country must be watching as well. When the major network cancels it, we will react like the network murdered our family.
- During the summer, we will watch the Olympics and talk about the athletes in ways that hide the fact we just learned their names when we read an article called “Who Is This Year's Michael Phelps?”.
- The Shawshank Redemption will run on TNT. Despite being broadcast approximately 148 times, we will never catch the first half.
- When a reality show about stereotypical Italians returns, we will balk at the fact that it has lasted 5 seasons while quality shows like “INSERT DAVID CROSS PROJECT HERE” were never given a shot. We will then proceed to watch every episode of said reality show.
- A beloved comic actor from a previous era will phone in a generic, broad comedy, all while making a huge paycheck for doing so. Ways he may phone it in: fat suit, cross dressing, kids movie. We will judge him for being successful and react as if the once beloved comic actor murdered our family.
- Lebron James will fail to win the NBA title and we will all rejoice since one day we decided that he must've murdered our family.
- A comedy with women in the lead roles will be released and it will be immediately compared to Bridesmaids in the advertisements because that was apparently the first time women were funny in film.
- A major social networking site will make a slight change in its design and we will act like they just murdered our family. The gall of them to try to upgrade their free service to better accommodate our needs. They might as well murder our families.
- Our families will be murdered. Nobody will show any emotion resembling the outrage we displayed when the television show we sort of liked was canceled.