By: Cory Matthews
That Nobody's Getting Pregnant After Passionate Sex
Listen, I'm no prude. I get it, condoms feel terrible and nobody likes them. But the fact of the matter is most of us use them as we don't want to die from horrible diseases nor do any of us want to have children, ever, because they crush our dreams and can't comprehend that one day, saut ‘ed broccoli will be an appetizing experience.
Anyway, apparently, there's little need for condoms on film. Here's an example of a very realistic sex scene in which two characters didn't waste any time with contraception: ‘
When two characters just can't resist themselves and the sexual tension has come to a climax, I understand that filmmakers would not want to have them pause and go “Hey, I think I have a condom. Just a head's up, I'm never good at putting it on so I may awkwardly ask you to do so.” And as such, it's very unrealistic. I want realism in my sex scenes, even if that means afterward the characters awkwardly encounter each other in the bathroom for post-coital clean up. ‘
No Beverage in That Cup
Dear movie character,
That cup you are drinking from is too light! It's supposed to be filled to the brim yet you are flailing around, haphazardly bringing it to your lips. Coffee should be spilling everywhere.
Fill your cup, please.
A discouraged beverage fan
Rain During a Dramatic Conversation
Here's something I've never seen happen in real life: ‘
What, no umbrellas in your movie world? You know what I do every morning? Check the weather. With all the apps and plugins we surround ourselves with, we have constant access to information pertaining to whether or not a umbrella will be required that day. It's all very easy. I also have it on good authority that it was the whole point of the iPhone.
Anyway, never ever in my life have I had an important conversation in the rain. Usually, if something imperative needs to be discussed, it is rehearsed ad nauseum in my head and then I invite that person to go get coffee. Then, and only then, will I decide that I'm too much of a coward to bring it up, and will return to my scone. Never during that scenario is it raining. ‘
I have actually no issue with the shaved chests that Hollywood hunks sport when their shirts comes off. We unfortunately live in a world where that's now a normal thing that assholes and non-assholes alike can do. Fair enough. But what I do have issue with is when movies try to make it appear that a male character does in fact have a full chest of hair, but for some reason it stops immediately when it gets to the stomach. That's not how it works. Just ask any guy afraid to take his shirt off at the beach. Or that guy's girlfriend.
Hi, Here's a Blatantly Fake Phone Number
“What's your phone number?”
“It's 555-completely fake. That's 555-we're too lazy to find another way to get across the information that characters have exchanged phone numbers.”
“Great, i'll call you back never because that doesn't exist and we've completely given up on making this movie feel like an escape for the viewer.”