By: Dan Abramson
Other Festivals Will Be Finding Ways to Top Coachella
Congratulations to everyone who has tickets to Lollapalooza. There is no doubt its promoters and producers are scrambling to find a way to trump what went down in the desert when the image of a dead icon appeared on stage. I think we’re all in agreement that the only resort the staple of 90s rock can do is go Weekend at Bernie’s on us with a Nirvana Reunion. Dave Grohl and
Chris Novalsiaklalsd other guy can prop him up while Courtney Love stands offstage screaming something about Jonathan Silverman raping Kurt’s memory.
We Will Become Jaded to Bringing The Dead to Life With Holograms
I hate to say it, but once you strip away the novelty of a dead man rapping alongside Snoop Dogg, Tupac’s performance was decent at best. Granted, that is irrelevant as we all witnessed a MIRACLE OF BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS as the star of Poetic Justice graced us with his presence. That’s the takeaway here.
But as we get more and more dulled to our hologram-filled lives, the novelty will take a backseat to the actual performance. And if that was the case at Coachella, the reviews would have included lines like “2pac seemed completely disengaged with the other performers on stage, barely acknowledging their presence” and “it's like he didn't even show up for hologram rehearsal.”
There Will be a Scramble to Figure Out Who Will be the Next to be Hologram'd
Who’s it going to be? Otis Redding? Elvis? Whitney Houston? Sarah McLachlin? I know she’s not dead, but if there’s anyone out there who would abuse the hologram privilege, it would fucking be her. So full of herself, that one.
Speaking of which…
John Lennon* dead? No big deal. Half of Lynyrd Skynyrd gone in a plane crash? No problem! Axl Rose too busy huffing Fribbles at Friendlys to show up at the awards ceremony honoring his entire career? Taken care of. The holograms will completely ruin the novelty of a band reuniting, which is fine if it’s the fifth lineup of The Temptations, but I’m still holding out hope for a Candlebox redux and I will be fucking IRATE if that’s taken away from me.
*Don’t think a Beatles Reunion won’t happen. You know Paul’s in. And Ringo? That guy would click accept on the evite without even reading it .
Aging and Death Now Mean Nothing
You know the In Memorium montage that’s clearly the best part of any award ceremony? Meaningless. (SIDENOTE: Is it a problem that I only associate the pain and loss of death with an emotionally draining slideshow of dead movie stars? No? Great. I’ll continue to live my life with no direction or priorities whatsoever. Also, if Mr. Oscar is listening, I’d like to add Abe Vigoda to every year’s montage from now on, just to get ready.)
The point is we will never be able to celebrate an artist's life if we're just going to resurrect them with the same technology that Princess Leia used to enlist the help of Obi Wan. And that sucks. Not to get all preachy (I'll leave that for Ms. McLachlin and here three-eyed dogs), but there is something nice about honoring those who have passed. As opposed to making them look like avatars from Guitar Hero