By: Erin Gibson

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Paul Ryan’s Pre-VP Debate Workout

Right Wing Side Plank

Hold your position – even if your position on guns, women, and gays is completely outdated.


It’s one of the most traditional exercises out there. Straight and masculine, so you don’t feel gay when you go down.

Pro-Life Headstand

Isn’t life incredible? The very idea that we, as living, breathing human beings can stand on our heads and build our upper body strength is truly a gift from God.

Privatizating Social Security Squats

Inject power into those hamstrings and money back into America’s failing financial system .

Atlas Shoulder Shrugs

Express the morality of rational self-interest while scultping those traps!

1% Crunches

Because full sit ups are for the proletariat.

Discretionary Spending Tricep Dips

Dip those tris and dip that spending!

“Fuck You, Poor People” Squat Jumps

It’s hard to do squats this intense when you’re only eating two meals a day.

Anti-Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act Plank

I’ll show you a hate crime – a weak core!

Pell Grant Wood Choppers

Chop away at millions of student grants while workin those side abs.

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