By: Erin Gibson
Paul Ryan’s Pre-VP Debate Workout
Right Wing Side Plank
Hold your position – even if your position on guns, women, and gays is completely outdated.
It’s one of the most traditional exercises out there. Straight and masculine, so you don’t feel gay when you go down.
Isn’t life incredible? The very idea that we, as living, breathing human beings can stand on our heads and build our upper body strength is truly a gift from God.
Privatizating Social Security Squats
Inject power into those hamstrings and money back into America’s failing financial system .
Atlas Shoulder Shrugs
Express the morality of rational self-interest while scultping those traps!
Because full sit ups are for the proletariat.
Discretionary Spending Tricep Dips
Dip those tris and dip that spending!
“Fuck You, Poor People” Squat Jumps
It’s hard to do squats this intense when you’re only eating two meals a day.
Anti-Matthew Shepard and James Byrd, Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act Plank
I’ll show you a hate crime – a weak core!
Pell Grant Wood Choppers
Chop away at millions of student grants while workin those side abs.