By: Dan Abramson

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Things To Do While You Wait In Line to Vote


1. Catch up on Facebook statuses to make sure you're informed.

2. Turn to the guy behind you and say, “Can you save my spot, I have to pee?” and then don't go anywhere. After a minute, turn and say thank you.

3. Throw someone off the line and then look at everyone and say “no ticket.”

4. Constantly ask when they're serving pizza.

5. Tell the person who checks you in that you're voting based on number of erections you got in the last hour. Romney gets evens, Obama gets odds. When they give a puzzled look, get offended and ask “Why? How do YOU vote?”

6. Breathe heavily on the person in front of you and say “Fuckin' Romney, right?”

7. When people complain that the line is taking forever, exclaim, “I KNOW. And I'm not even registered to vote.”
8. Complain you still haven't received your free “I Voted” tote bag and if that if you knew they weren't giving them out, you wouldn't have showed.

9. Ask the volunteers who check you in if they “like to party” and then wink and gesture toward the voting booth.

10. Bring your ice cream maker, find a spot on the ground and start churning out fresh ice cream. When you finally have enough for everyone, scream “It's still not perfect” and throw it all in the garbage.

11. Ask the person in front of you who they're voting for and regardless of what they say, furrow your brow and reply “interesting” and then leave.

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