By: A General Nonchalance

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What Your Favorite Thanksgiving Food Says About You


Ah Thanksgiving. All of the best foods on one table for one glorious meal. But what does your favorite say about you?

Gravy: You are fat

Turkey: You used to be fat

Mashed Potatoes: You are fat and unoriginal

Canned Cranberry Sauce: Your fat does not discriminate

Stuffing: You have good taste in what makes you fat

Apple Pie: You justify getting fat because there's fruit in it

Pecan Pie: Your fat has no shame

Pumpkin Pie: You have trouble letting go of Halloween and also your plate (what with the being fat and all)

Sweet Potato Marshmallow Casserole: You love life which is why you're a fat person

Turducken: You love fisting ‘fat people. Because you are one.

Tofurkey: You're in college and visiting home and you condescend to those who are fat

Broccoli: You are fat and a liar because these were soaked in butter

Rolls: Ugh, fat and boring

Yams: You use outdated jargon reminiscent of earlier times, one where being fat (which you are) was a sign of wealth and status

Decorative Corn: You may not be fat, but you should not be left alone, you are a crazy person

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