By: Jonah Feingold
So, Justin's parents are letting him throw a New Years Eve party in the basement this year…Again, even after Connor and Mike drunk drove all over the lawn? Cool. Good news for us.
There is a definitive art to finding the right lady to kiss at the stroke of midnight. Sure, if you have a girl friend, you know how the movie ends but what if you don't? What if you're going to a party with all your college friends and there are 2, 3, 4, or no girls you'd like to touch lips with? The key to finding such companion? Timing.
You arrive at the party, swagged out, at around 9:45-10:30pm. First person to greet you at the door? Fucking Sammy. That girl from high school who was cute but not hot, then went to college and got hot, and slutty, from what you've heard. She gives you a hug and a kiss and promises to take a 'shot' at midnight. Now, do you want to share the arrival of 2013 with Sammy? If so, keep the conversation going for the next 3 hours because like we said earlier, she's gone from cute to hot and is slutty, so, you're not the only one tryin' court her. Bare in mind she will play the “Do You Know…” game for those 3 hours. She loves that game.
You could also fall in love with Rachel's friend Courtney, who just graduated from Brown. Off the bat she's got all the great qualities of a post-college girlfriend. Smart, funny, kind already has a job but you don't really believe if it's legit or not slash you're kind of pissed that you don't have a job yet either. Regardless, she's the one. It kinda sucks though cause, even though haven't even kissed, you're already thinking its going to suck when you have to go back to school in 5 days and so, what's the point in the first place? Hearts will only be broken. You're not looking for that long distance relationship. Or are you? No. So, you exchange twitter handles and Snap Chats and put that script on the shelf.
Oh shit, it's 11:30, better find someone quick unless you wanna be that kid who initiates a “group shot”. Good thing you've been killing it with your iPod song selection, reminder, when in doubt PLAY DRAKE.
Guess who just made eye contact with you from across the pong table? Fucking Chlo ‘. Yeah, ” ‘” She went abroad to France and came back with it. It's weird, it actually makes her hotter. So you go over to her and ask “how school's been?” Some well played small talk, maybe the chorus to Ke$ha's “Die Young” is coming, so you guys sing it together (you don't really know the words but she does, so just smile) Keep in mind Chlo ‘, and every surrounding girl, is completely aware, at any given time, how many seconds away midnight is. They are scheming just as much.
Here comes midnight, the moment you've been waiting for. This could be your future wife your kissing. Sike, don't marry someone who changes their name from Chloe, to Chlo ‘ after taking a picture in front of the Eiffel Tower (Check the picture out under the facebook album “Abroad Picz!”) Some douch ‘ bag name Bryler aka Bryce starts the NYE countdown 30 seconds early just to get attention, ignore that, it's a fake. Keep your iPhone close.
The countdown actually starts, 3…2….1… You and Chlo ‘ make eye contact. But shit, Connor intercepts to make you take a handle pull from the Patron bottle, you deflect it, grab Chlo ‘ and…
“…I've got a boyfriend” Shit. All your planning gone to waste. You should have known Chlo ‘ has a boyfriend, especially the kind of boyfriend that's never actually there.
So, you celebrate the first mins of 2013 with your bros and friends who are girls, all take a shot, hug, play more Ke$ha. That's what NYE is about anyway, being with your friends, your real homies.
3:34am text from…Courtney…. “hi”