By: Charlie Nadler
1. Buy FIFA and Major League Soccer because might as well.
2. Learn to play guitar and join a band so he can meet some chicks.
3. Count how many articles used the headline “End it like Beckham” after his announcement.
4. Start a new religion, achieve God-level status, and then join a different religion. Repeat.
5. Get to know these “Victoria and the kids” people he keeps hearing about.
6. Practice his free-kicks.
7. Use Kickstarter to raise enough money to self-publish his collection of David Beckham graphic fan fiction.
8. Develop an alter-ego: Dave Wiggam, amateur cartoonist and rare stuffed animal collector.
9. Finally get around to watching Bend it Like Beckham.
10. Thank God a couple more times.