14 Tips for Staying Fit at the Office

Most of us sit in front of a desk all day, typing away at a computer, which is partly to blame for our obesity crisis. But just because you're sedentary all day, it doesn't mean you can't stay fit with these little exercise tricks you can do right at the office!

1. Laughing burns calories. So, whenever someone asks you “Is it Friday yet?” laugh extra hard. Like deep, full, belly laughs, for at least 15 minutes.

2. Once every hour or so, stand up, stretch, and think about all of the dreams you will never pursue.

3. Instead of taking the elevator, take the stairs, or better yet, climb up the side of the building.

4. Get rid of your office chair in favor of an exercise ball. Bounce everywhere you go, making sure to say ‘BOING-DE-BOING!” whenever you pass anyone in the hall or by their cubicle, because that burns twice as many calories.

5. Vigorously masturbate in your cubicle at least twice a day.

6. Think about your co-workers’ health ‘eat up all of the donuts so they won’t be tempted.

7. When everyone’s standing around the coffee pot, chit-chatting, pour three or four mugs up to the top with piping hot coffee. Juggle.

8. Staff meetings and conference calls are a waste of time ‘you’re just sitting there, doing nothing. Sounds like a great time for squat thrusts. See how many you can do in a minute. Then try to beat your record!

9. Approach your heavier co-workers and bet them that you can lift them. Even if you can’t lift them all the way up and sling them over your back, the exertion is good exercise.

10. Sit up straight in your chair. Hold your arms out at your sides, and sigh as loudly as you fucking can.

11. There’s always going to be the temptation of sheet cake on somebody’s birthday. Why not put the sheet cake at the far end of the parking lot and whoever wins a potato sack race gets the whole thing?

12. Every day, park a little bit farther away from the building. Eventually, you'll be walking the entire 20-mile commute.

13. Instead of taking the subway to work, try outrunning the train. Make a game of it! See if you can get to the end of the tunnel before the train does.

14. Run off your damn mouth about every goddamn thing that goes wrong. That seems to be the plan that works for Carol.