A Statement From Funny or Die Regarding the Privacy of Our Users

In light of the recent leaks revealing the U.S. Government's collection of phone records and internet data from citizens, including a surveillance of many major websites, Funny or Die would like to respond personally to the accusations regarding the NSA and PRISM.
You've probably been wondering if Funny or Die is one of those sources, if we have been collecting your personal information and tracking your every move. The answer is…Yes. Yes, we have. For the last six years, we've watched you and recorded each and every time you voted “funny” or “die” on our content, along with other information regarding your privacy.
Funny or Die, a proud American company that loves our government and would do anything to make Uncle Sam happy (hear that Sammy? Anything.), has handed over 20,000 pages of records. It includes, but is not limited to, the following:

• People who have watched “Cat vs. Printer” more than seven (7) times
• Who has clicked on “Eva Mendes Sex Tape” thinking it was real (we are able to obtain this using technology)
• Which users shared videos that mocked our powerful and perfect President
• Users who clicked “Die” on content that praised our very handsome President who we're 100% positive has a justified explanation as to why he is watching our every action
• Instances in which people have left personal messages for Will Ferrell on on “The Landlord”
• Who has ever clicked 'reload' on their own videos or articles to vote “Funny”
• Who has left the comment “WTF” on videos and articles with even the most basic comedic premise, expressing a fundamental misunderstanding of comedy that borders on treason
• Users that follow us on Twitter, but never RT
• Users who signed up for an account only to inform content creators that they “suck”, are “gay”, have “fail”ed, and are “gay fails”

Companies such as Facebook and Google have come forward, saying they provide only the information required by law and fight to keep your information safe and secure. It's a shame that they do not share the patriotism and dignity that we here at Funny or Die have. May God (the American God) have mercy on their souls.
-Funny or Die