By: Brian Boone
How to Help Your Kanye West Adjust to a New Baby
A new child is a wonderful blessing for the whole family, but if your Kanye West is used to being the center of attention, it can be a difficult adjustment. Here are some ways to help your Kanye West make the transition.
‘ If your Kanye West is still using a crib, explain to him that the new baby needs it, and that he will get to sleep in his own “big Kanye West bed.” This gently lets him know that he’s not “the baby” anymore.
‘ Explain to Kanye West that even though there’s a new baby, you still love him just as much, and that he’s still a very, very good rapper.
‘ Using a doll, show your Kanye West how to properly hold a baby. Show him that it’s important to support the baby’s head, and how he should never, ever drop the baby to punctuate a blistering performance on Saturday Night Live.
‘ Have your Kanye West help you prepare for the new baby’s arrival. For example, you can leave it up to him whether you decorate the nursery in Prada, Dior, or Louis Vuitton.
‘ Tell your Kanye West that newborn babies are very delicate and sensitive, and that he should be quiet when the baby’s sleeping, and that he should never scream, “Y’all babies can’t fuck with Ye!” into the baby’s face.
‘ Your Kanye West needs to know that you will be very busy with the new baby and that you won’t have as much time to give him the high, constant levels of praise and attention that he needs. Encourage him to be more independent by working on a special project, such as making a present for the new baby, or releasing an album right around the time of the new baby’s birth. Make sure to tell him that it’s a very, very good album.
‘ If you breastfeed, your Kanye West may become livid that he is being replaced by the new baby. In all likelihood, he will try to knock the baby off of your breast and call it a gold digger.
‘ The baby’s crying may agitate and upset your Kanye West. Tell him that a baby cries because it can’t talk, and that crying is its way of saying that it is hungry or needs to be changed, and is not being “a major hater and a math minor.”
‘ One of your Kanye West’s favorite activities is naming things ‘ it’s his immature, developing brain’s way of organizing the big, daunting world around him. Does he enjoy giving himself lots of nicknames and making up funny words? Let him use his propensity for words to suggest names for the new baby. (Although under no circumstances should you actually use any of his ideas.)