By: Kevin Wikarski

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Follow the Pope On Twitter and He’ll Make It Worth Your While


The Catholic church has announced that it will reduce the time Catholics have to spend in purgatory if they follow the Pope on twitter and other social media platforms. Here’s a breakdown of all the other holy freebies you can score in exchange for showing the Pope some love on the net:

Follow the Pope on Twitter = time off your purgatory sentence
Retweet one of the Pope’s tweets = upgrade to first-class section of heaven
#FF @Pontifex = one free mortal sin (single homicides only)

Favorite one of the Pope’s tweets

= one complimentary popsicle in hell (come on, don’t be a tease – if you like it so much, retweet it)
Like a Vatican Facebook status = free download of previously unreleased hymns
Share a Vatican Facebook status = 1 hour of gay stuff, no questions asked
Like one of the Pope’s photos on Instagram = 10 free uses of the Lord’s name in vain
Reblog a papal Tumblr post = the fiery damnation of all of your enemies
Pin the Pope on Pinterest = play as Bill Clinton (this one’s more of an NBA Jam code but it’s still super fun)
One of whatever you do on LinkedIn = Eternal life and happiness, but honestly, he doesn’t really check his LinkedIn account

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