By: Kevin Wikarski

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Follow the Pope On Twitter and He’ll Make It Worth Your While

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The Catholic church has announced that it will reduce the time Catholics have to spend in purgatory if they follow the Pope on twitter and other social media platforms. Here’s a breakdown of all the other holy freebies you can score in exchange for showing the Pope some love on the net:

Follow the Pope on Twitter = time off your purgatory sentence
Retweet one of the Pope’s tweets = upgrade to first-class section of heaven
#FF @Pontifex = one free mortal sin (single homicides only)

Favorite one of the Pope’s tweets

= one complimentary popsicle in hell (come on, don’t be a tease – if you like it so much, retweet it)
Like a Vatican Facebook status = free download of previously unreleased hymns
Share a Vatican Facebook status = 1 hour of gay stuff, no questions asked
Like one of the Pope’s photos on Instagram = 10 free uses of the Lord’s name in vain
Reblog a papal Tumblr post = the fiery damnation of all of your enemies
Pin the Pope on Pinterest = play as Bill Clinton (this one’s more of an NBA Jam code but it’s still super fun)
One of whatever you do on LinkedIn = Eternal life and happiness, but honestly, he doesn’t really check his LinkedIn account

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