By: Pat O'Brien
Yelp Review: AdultFriendFinder.com
WARNING! FALSE ADVERTISING!!!
I recently logged on to this website because I needed help finding an adult friend. His name is Tom, he is 31 years old, and he has been missing since August 29th, 2013. After spending $19.95 on this bogus service, my adult friend has STILL not been found!
With the police investigation producing no leads and zero witnesses coming forward with information, I was at a serious loss for how to locate my adult friend. It seems that in today’s ‘Amber Alert” culture, with so much attention focused on finding our missing child friends, adult-friend-finding has largely been pushed to the back burner (thanks, Obama). So you can imagine my pleasant surprise when I stumbled across a website called “AdultFriendFinder.com.” I thought to myself ‘finally, a service catering to my specific needs.” Boy, was I ever wrong.
Despite my situation meeting ALL of the criteria laid out in this website’s incredibly misleading name (Tom is a full-grown adult, a true friend, and in serious need of finding), Adult Friend Finder was completely unhelpful in locating him. And this was through no lack of trying on my part. I was as specific as possible within the confines of their strangely lighthearted and randy search terms. Since I am also a man, I selected ‘man seeking man” for ‘casual fun” (figuring that a casual, fun night in with his loved ones could be quite helpful to Tom’s most-likely-shattered psyche). I clicked ‘search” and waited.
At this point, I became VERY confused. The results were nothing but photos of men in various states of undress AND arousal. How is this relevant to locating missing adults?! I found it very odd that the families of these men would provide such racy, downright pornographic photos of their missing loved ones, but there was no time to sit in judgment. I had an adult friend to find.
I soon received a message from a “HungYoungWolf_44″ asking if I wanted to ‘party.” I obliged, assuming that meant organizing a search party. I told Hung Young (who, based on his name, I assumed to be of Japanese and German descent ‘ he wasn’t) to meet me that evening at the men’s room in the park (the site of Tom’s disappearance) and to bring a flashlight, rope and whatever other tools he’d need to get the job done. He arrived with a sack full of devices alright, but they all seemed better suited for searching in a person than for a person. The two of us had sex and it was great, but this did NOT bring me any closer to finding my adult friend, Tom.
I would recommend this site for the sex ONLY. For missing persons cases, definitely go to the police or at least HornyPolice.com.